Do you know someone who could be classified as a “drama queen” or “drama king?” These individuals make a big deal about everything and love to complain or go on and on about the dramatic details of something as simple as someone being late for a meeting or being stuck in traffic? How do you feel when you’re around them – energized or drained? Odds are you feel drained – especially if you let yourself get sucked in by their stories.
Now think about someone you likely know or have come across during your life who is just the opposite – who inspires you and whose presence energizes you. Such individuals tend to have a natural energy and seem optimistic even in the worst of circumstances. What’s their secret? They are resilient.
Resiliency is about building your capacity to be able to deal with life’s challenges, pressures, major changes, and stress. It is not about blowing off everything and being naively positive; it’s about being able to accurately assess a situation and know how much attention you need to devote to it. It’s also about giving yourself time to recuperate after a difficult challenge.
Resilient people have the following characteristics:
- They don’t let the small stuff get to them
- They are able to be at their best and maintain a sense of balance when faced with “big stuff” or major challenges
- They are flexible but durable and have a better ability to “go with the flow”
- They come back stronger in the face of adversity.
Here are some simple steps you can take to become more resilient:
- Put things into perspective.
When faced with an adverse situation, ask yourself “is this going to be a big deal a week from now, a month from now, a year from now?” If the answer is “no,” then save yourself the energy of dwelling over it and look at it differently. Look at other situations in your life or in the world and decide if you are being rationale or a drama queen or king. If you’re faced with a great challenge, think back to a time in your life when you got through something else that was difficult and how you prevailed; know that if you made it through that, you can make it through whatever is before you.
- Be mindful of what comes out of your mouth.
Your mind has incredible power over your body. If you tell yourself that you can’t or that you don’t want to or “this will never work,” then you will fail – period. Self-defeating thoughts and words stop you and keep you from moving past life’s challenges; so change your dialogue and you’ll change your outcomes.
- Practice acts of gratitude.
Sometimes being thankful for the little things in life can make a big difference (i.e. electricity, running water). Appreciate life’s little helpers and realize how many blessings you truly have in your life. Rather than dwelling on what “almost happened,” be appreciative of what didn’t happen (i.e. almost getting in a car accident versus being spared).
- Live in the present moment.
How often do you dwell on the past or worry about the future? Do you truly value the loved ones in your life or just get used to them being there? What if they weren’t there tomorrow – would you have regrets? When was the last time you looked at a friend or family member and really let yourself be present to who they are for you? When was the last time you stopped to just enjoy the sunshine or enjoy the rain rather than rushing for an umbrella? We are human beings, not human doings yet we go through life doing one thing after another. Try stopping and being present when life gets hectic – it might change your perspective.
- Pay it forward, but be authentic.
Start spreading acts of good will for no particular reason. Stop doing things for others in the hopes you’ll get something in return. If you perform random acts of kindness because you think you should or that you will look good for doing so and be recognized, you’re missing the point; expectation leads to disappointment! When you stop expecting things from others and change how you are being, you change how the world treats you and responds to you. If you’re a person who unselfishly gives to those around you, then you’re less likely to be alone when facing your own challenges.
- Stop Settling!
Think of all the things in you’re life that you’re not happy with and are simply putting up with or enduring. Perhaps you have a relationship with a co-worker or loved one that is just so-so or worse. Maybe your health isn’t how you want it to be. Whatever it is, YOU made it that way because you get what you settle for. Luckily, you have the power to stop settling and start demanding more for yourself. The more resilient you are, the less you settle.
- Give yourself a break.
Our bodies are not meant to be pushed non-stop. Yet we live our lives at warp speed rushing from one challenge to another and filling our lives with daily hassles. You need to build in recovery time for you and replenish your well. The most loving thing you can do for yourself and those you care about is to take “ME” time. If you don’t, you won’t be good to anyone!
Author: Rosie Ward, MPH, CHES, Intrinsic Coach™; Health and Wellness Director, Northwestern Health Sciences University.
