Find yourself in situations with your teen when anger gets out of control—your teen’s and yours?   Anger is a way for teens to assert their independence as they prepare for adulthood, but the struggle can be trying for parents.  Parents may respond with their own anger.

Resolving conflict with your teen constructively is a big challenge, but it is important for the well-being of every member of your family. 

When anger gets out of control, step back, calm down, and identify more positive, healthy ways to deal with it. 

Tips for Calming Down

• Pick your battles.  Sometimes the issue is not worth the anger, or worth arguing about.
• Take a deep breath and count to ten.
• Go for a walk
• Use “self-talk” to calm down.  Say something to sooth yourself such as “I need to relax and stay calm.”
• Reframe the issue.  Identify the underlying problem for the angry outburst and how to address.
• Use humor.  But, be sure the humor is not sarcastic or hurtful.

Look at How You Manage Your Own Anger

• Do you express anger in positive and constructive ways? 
• Do you resolve conflict well?
• Have you taught your children to accept and express their anger constructively?

Tips for Resolving Conflict

• When you are calm, you can better deal with the issues that caused the conflict.  Here are some tips:
• Give your point of view.  State the problem as you see it; speak clearly and calmly—don’t yell.
• Ask to hear your teen’s point of view.
• Pay attention, listen, and carefully consider what your teen is saying.
• Discuss ways to solve the dispute without a battle.
• Practice the art of compromise.  Find a middle ground that you and your teen can both live with comfortably.
• Assert your authority, when appropriate, but in a calm, yet firm manner.

If you find that anger becomes a chronic problem for someone in your family, you may want to get help from a mental health professional.

Source: Helping Your Children Navigate Their Teenage Years:  A Guide for Parents, Dr. Robert Schwebel, White House Council on Youth Violence.