Facing a very difficult situation or time in your life? Treat yourself with compassion.

New research shows that when you treat yourself kindly in the face of failure, rejection, defeat, or other negative event, you may be able to cope and feel better.

Although Western society has emphasized the importance of high self-esteem, having self-compassion may be more important in dealing with negative life events according to researcher and Wake Forest University psychologist Mark Leary, PhD.

“Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness you would show a friend whether you feel good about yourself or not,” said Leary. “Self-esteem is simply feeling good about yourself.”

In his research, Leary found that those with higher self-compassion were more likely to think “Everybody goofs up now and then” and less likely to think “I am such a loser” or “I wish I could die” in response to a distressing situation.

Leary presented the findings of his research at the 2005 American Psychological Association Conference in August.

Source: News release Aug. 22, 2005, Wake Forest University, www.wfu.edu.