Maintaining healthy relationships of all kinds requires intentionality, which includes nurturing those relationships.  Consider that you learn from each and every person you come into contact with and that each relationship you have allows even more opportunity for growth.  When you choose to contribute to your relationships rather than contaminate them by your actions (or inactions), it benefits you and the other person.

Any Type of Relationship:

Do you let the little things get to you, or do you take time in the moment to pause and appreciate the uniqueness that makes up each and every person?  There will always be to-do lists; however, you need to stop doing in relationships and start being.  Here are some things to consider that can make a huge difference in creating powerful relationships in your life:

• When was the last time you really listened to your friend, child, sibling, parent, etc. – not sitting there already preparing your response but just listening without judgment?
• If your friend, partner, child, etc. were to die tomorrow, would they know how important they are in your life?
• Are you harboring resentment because you’re not speaking up out of fear of hurting another’s feelings?  How helpful do you think that resentment is in that relationship, and how much healing and growth could occur if you were open and honest about your feelings?
• What was the last time you did something fun together?  Not just being around each other and not watching TV or a movie but doing something where you connect and laugh?
• When was the last time you were truly present with a loved one and let them take your breath away?

It’s an old cliché, but the little things we do each and every day have a profound impact on our relationships.  If you don’t take the time to listen to those you care about, how can you know what kind of parent, spouse, sibling, friend, etc. they need?  And if you don’t communicate your needs, how can they contribute to you?  Life can get very busy, but if you ignore relationships for too long, they will fade away.  People’s lives move forward – either with or without you.  You can either be intentional about being a part of their life or lose that connectedness that makes us whole, heals, and greatly impacts our well-being.

Intimate Relationships:

If you don’t know off the top of your head what makes your partner feel appreciated and loved, it’s time to start asking questions to find out.  We are all different; what you like and need to feel love and appreciated may not be what they like and need.  Does your partner need verbal complements, hugs, or other gestures?  Find out and then make a conscious effort to regularly do things to contribute to making them feel special.  It today’s busy world, it can be easy to take one another for granted, so make your relationship a priority by nurturing it each and every day.

Here are some simple things you can do to start:

• Listen fully and without judgment (this means turning off any distractions like the TV or radio).
• Appreciate your partner for all that he/she is and is not.
• Don’t try to change your partner.
• Remember to say “thank you” often.
• Say “I’m sorry” when you mess up, but more importantly, ask for forgiveness.
• Set aside alone time – even if you have kids.
• Even when your partner is driving you crazy, remember the positives and why you fell in love with them. 
• Remember that love is a decision; you have to choose to love that person one more day – even if you don’t feel like it.
• Show affection – ask your partner what they need.
• Help each other with chores – even without being asked.
• Don’t waste energy on trivial things.
• Be open and honest – secrets don’t work.
• Include each other in major decisions.
• Do fun things together – keep the energy alive.  Your relationship needs tending and a spark just like a fire to keep thriving and growing.
• Find healthy ways to release stress (not taking it out on your partner).
• Learn the beauty of compromise.
• Speak up for your needs and ask for what you want and don’t want.
• Surprise your partner with simple things (helping out when it’s not expected, a simple note or phone call, etc.).
• Create a shared vision together for your relationship and future.
• Let the past stay in the past; live in the present and work towards the future.
• Remember important dates (anniversaries, birthdays, etc.).

Author:  Rosie Ward, MPH, CHES, Intrinsic Coach™; Health and Wellness Director, Northwestern Health Sciences University