“If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?”
~Steven Levine (poet, author, teacher)
We are all interconnected; there is no such thing as an individual. In fact, we never know who we are until we’re in relationship to others. It is through relationships and interactions with others that our lives have meaning. People have a basic need for contact with other people. Improving health and well-being coincides with creating more personal connections.
The quality of our personal connections has a great impact on our emotional and physical health. Research has shown that having supportive relationships has a greater impact on health than diet, exercise, stress, smoking, drugs, and even genetics. The Alameda County study that collected 17 years of data to determine causes of mortality found that people who lacked social and community ties were 1.9 to 3.1 times more likely to die prematurely than those with more extensive contacts. In fact, Dean Ornish, MD states that our survival depends on the healing power of love, intimacy and relationship.
Ornish’s research has shown the healing power of love and intimacy. He states that loneliness and isolation have the following impact on our health:
- Increases the likelihood of engaging in behaviors that adversely affect our health (i.e. smoking and overeating) and decreases the likelihood that we will make lifestyle choices that are life-enhancing rather than self-destructive
- Increases the likelihood of disease and premature death from all causes by 200-500% or more, independent of behaviors.
- Keeps us from fully experiencing the joy of everyday life.
Basically, illness and suffering stem from anything that promotes a sense of isolation, whereas those things which promote a sense of love, intimacy, connection, and community is healing. Increasing the love and intimacy in our lives leads to increased health, joy, and meaning in our lives.
Consider that ALL relationships in your life are significant – friends, siblings, children, spouse, significant other, parents, other relatives, and even co-workers. In each relationship you have two options: you can contribute to the relationship or contaminate it. Contributing is what we do in powerful relationships. When you are creating powerful relationships in your life, the following emotional and spiritual transformations often result:
- Rediscovering inner sources of joy, peace and well-being;
- Learning ways of communicating that enhance intimacy with loved ones;
- Creating a healthy community of family and friends;
- Developing greater compassion and empathy for yourself and others;
- Directly experiencing the transcendent interconnectedness of life.
The Bottom Line:
Your lifestyle behaviors are certainly important in living a long, happy life. However, your relationships in your life are essential and have a profound impact. Communities are formed by intentionality, not just by being near each other. So stop stalling and start putting some effort into creating extraordinary relationships in your life!
Sources: Margaret Wheatley, “Turning to One Another” (keynote address at the National Wellness Conference, July 2006); Human Connectedness Research Group; Dean Ornish, MD, Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy (1998), HarperCollins; Berkman, L. F. 7 Syne, S. L. (1979). Social networks, host resistance, and mortality: a nine-year follow-up study of Alameda County residents. American Journal of Epidemiology, 109(2), 186-204.
More:
Effective Communication:
Healthy Relationships of any kind require clear and effective communication. Here are some additional resources.
Website Resources for Healthy Relationships:
- Healthy Relationships – provides information and resources for building healthy relationships. Related links include building healthy families, building healthy relationships surrounding addictions, parenting education, and anger management.
- MedicineNet.com Healthy Relationships Overview – provides numerous articles on relationship topics for friends, marriage, family, dating, self-help, problems in relationships, couples, and sex.
- Take Care: A Guide to Safe Relationships – a non-profit organization providing education and resources for women and children fleeing domestic violence by providing information on what is a healthy relationship and what is an unhealthy relationship. The site includes a healthy relationship guide, tips for parents and teachers, relationship advice, and abuse hotline and resources.
- WebMd Healthy Relationships Center – provides information on nurturing the relationships in your life and increasing the degree of closeness in your current relationships.
Recommended Readings:
Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future by Margaret J. Wheatley
Wheatley starts with a simple declaration, “I believe we can change the world if we start talking to one another again.” She proposes using conversation and dialogue to heal everything from personal relationships to organizational dysfunction to world discord. The book helps you start conversations about things that are important to you to have meaningful conversations and relationships.
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God Knows Marriage Isn’t Always Easy: 12 Ways to Add Zest by Maureen Rogers Law and Lanny Law
In this book, the authors (both marriage and family therapists) use real-life clients to show simple but important things that can help marriages thrive. The stories and exercises combined with the useful tips provide ways to enhance your relationship, heal the scars, and re-ignite the flame. It starts with something as simple as “do things together” and builds from there. |
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Married for Better, Not Worse – The Fourteen Secrets to a Happy Marriage by Gary Lundberg and Joy Lundberg
Drawing on their extensive experience with marriage counseling and workshops, the Lundbergs reveal fourteen secrets every spouse should know covering everything from finances and parenting to communication and sex, from being each other's best friend to keeping a sense of humor, and the surprising power of courtesy. Addressing the differing needs of men and women, they offer sensitive, realistic, and easy-to-understand solutions, drawing on examples from real-life couples' stories. |
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Relationship Rescue by Philip C. McGraw, Ph.D.
Dr. Phil erodes 10 common myths about relationships that can sabotage them. In the first five steps of his seven-step strategy, he leads you to “reconnect with your core” through rigorous questionnaires, tests, and profiles that force you to get real about yourself and your role in the current state of your relationship. Once your internal work is done, the book moves you through reconnecting with your partner and finally into a management stage. |
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