Biggest Successes This Month:

My biggest success this month is the realization that I need to listen to myself and my needs in the moment.  I have certain goals that I want to achieve in this program and yet I have recognized that while my overall goal has not changed, I need to honor my present moment more.  An example is that one day I wanted to exercise, but physically I was not feeling well, so instead of beating myself up for not accomplishing my goal, I looked at it in a different way.  My body needed the rest more than the exercise in that moment.  I also have tried to incorporate more quiet time in my life.  This is difficult with my children.  I thought I would be firm one day and carve out this time and explained it to the kids.  My one child timed my quiet time, every few minutes they would come out and ask if my quiet time was over yet.  This was really frustrating, and definitely not relaxing or peaceful. 

After talking with Rosie, I began to look at my day differently.  Instead of coming home and immediately doing cleaning, laundry, or meal preparation, I try and go into my room and do something quiet, something I want to do.  This has worked out well because they both tend to go to their own rooms when we first come home too.  I did not really pay attention to that.  My mind set was more, "I need to get these things done, and then when I'm done, I can do something for myself".  Well, most of the time it didn't work out because of other obligations or needs, like homework, bedtime, playtime, etc.

Biggest Challenges This Month:

The biggest challenge for me has been to put myself first once in awhile.  I tend to think of my children's needs as more immediate and important. When I get overwhelmed, I get crabby and resentful and I know I'm not being the best mom or person I could be. If I can listen to my needs more and honor them more I would feel better physically and emotionally, and therefore be in better balance for myself and my family.

I've had trouble exercising at times.  I like to be physical in an activity, even shoveling or lawn mowing, more than an exercise machine. I've had to try to look at that differently too.  Instead of dreading it, I've thought of "How do I want my body to feel"? How do I want my body to look?” Again, if I feel in the moment how my legs are working on the machine, that they are getting stronger, that this will benefit me, that no change that's worth anything comes easily.  It takes work, awareness, effort, challenges, and even slipping back sometimes.

Unexpected Differences I’ve Noticed in Other Areas of My Life:

I've noticed that I'm thinking more about spending time with my spouse and friends and family.  I've been out a few times with friends on my spouse’s day off.  It's been nice not to have to think about needing to be somewhere at a certain time.  I've enjoyed the moment and known it's good for me and my family that I have a break and they have time alone with their other parent.  I've been scheduling more times like this on our calendar - looking ahead and seeing what day will work, and trying not to feel guilty about it.

Insights or Major “A-Ha” Moments:

A big A-ha moment was realizing the challenges of balancing “me” time with parenting yet how important it really is for me to have “me” time in order to be the best parent I can be.  When I thought I was doing something good for myself by requesting 30 minutes of down time from parenting, I was quickly overwhelmed and felt awful when I realized I was being timed by my child.   It didn't seem like I was asking for a lot, yet it didn't work out when I tried to be firm and set my boundaries. I have been faced with the realization of how truly challenging balancing alone time and parenting time can be.  Yet I also realize that much more how important “me” time is.  I can tell when I'm starting to feel frustrated, edgy, resentful, irritable due to not setting boundaries; even my body starts to feel differently.  This doesn’t help me be a great parent.  I am now making time for me; it just needs to look differently so I’m not facing the conflict of my child simultaneously demanding my time.

My Goals/Plans for Month 3 of the Program:

My goals for this next month are to continue to be aware in the moment of what I need at that time.  I want to concentrate more on the exercise or movement. I can tell my body is changing a little, my pants are looser; at times I have more energy; my choices for food are getting better, too. Not that I don't slip up, but it seems I am catching myself more than I used to. Do I really want this? What is the reasoning for it? Am I hungry? Am I bored, sad, frustrated?

My body has felt the need and desire to move more, and I want to try to go with that while I am feeling it.  I want to change my habits and think more of movement than being sedentary.  I'm glad that this program is 6 months because it seems like I need the time to really implement changes that are going to last.