The Importance of Healthy Relationships
Posted on Nov. 10, 2009
“If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?”
~Steven Levine (poet, author, teacher)
We are all interconnected; there is no such thing as an individual. In fact, we never know who we are until we’re in relationship to others. It is through relationships and interactions with others that our lives have meaning. People have a basic need for contact with other people. Improving health and well-being coincides with creating more personal connections.
The quality of our personal connections has a great impact on our emotional and physical health. Research has shown that having supportive relationships has a greater impact on health than diet, exercise, stress, smoking, drugs, and even genetics. The Alameda County study that collected 17 years of data to determine causes of mortality found that people who lacked social and community ties were 1.9 to 3.1 times more likely to die prematurely than those with more extensive contacts. In fact, Dean Ornish, MD, author of "Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy," states that our survival depends on the healing power of love, intimacy and relationship.
Dr. Ornish’s research has shown the healing power of love and intimacy. He states that loneliness and isolation have the following impact on our health:
- Increases the likelihood of engaging in behaviors that adversely affect our health (i.e. smoking and overeating) and decreases the likelihood that we will make lifestyle choices that are life-enhancing rather than self-destructive;
- Increases the likelihood of disease and premature death from all causes by 200-500% or more, independent of behaviors; and
- Keeps us from fully experiencing the joy of everyday life.
Basically, illness and suffering stem from anything that promotes a sense of isolation, whereas those things which promote a sense of love, intimacy, connection, and community is healing. Increasing the love and intimacy in our lives leads to increased health, joy, and meaning in our lives.
Consider that ALL relationships in your life are significant – friends, siblings, children, spouse, significant other, parents, other relatives, and even co-workers. In each relationship you have two options: you can contribute to the relationship or contaminate it. Contributing is what we do in powerful relationships. When you are creating powerful relationships in your life, the following emotional and spiritual transformations often result:
- Rediscovering inner sources of joy, peace and well-being;
- Learning ways of communicating that enhance intimacy with loved ones;
- Creating a healthy community of family and friends;
- Developing greater compassion and empathy for yourself and others; and
- Directly experiencing the transcendent interconnectedness of life.
The Bottom Line:
Your lifestyle behaviors are certainly important in living a long, happy life. However, your relationships in your life are essential and have a profound impact. Communities are formed by intentionality, not just by being near each other. So stop stalling and start putting some effort into creating extraordinary relationships in your life!
Sources: Margaret Wheatley, “Turning to One Another” (keynote address at the National Wellness Conference, July 2006); Human Connectedness Research Group; Dean Ornish, MD, "Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy" (1998), HarperCollins; Social Networks, Host Resistance, and Mortality: A Nine-Year Follow-up Study of Alameda County Residents, "American Journal of Epidemiology," 109(2), 186-204.
HealthyU is a program developed by Northwestern Health Sciences University to educate, empower, and support people who seek to improve and maintain their overall health and well-being through the integration of mind, body, and spirit. The HealthyU website features 1,200 pages of information on how to live healthfully and more than 1,300 links to additional resources on the web. Visit www.nwhealth.edu/healthyU.